Best Article I have read in a long time

It's articles like this that make things easy . I mean, even Hollywood knows where to go to find the inbred slack-jawed yokels that this little slice of Hell on Earth is famous for. What else can I say and what arguments can there be against this? I rest my case. Oh yeah, that Cavs trade was awesome. I hated Ben Wallace, but guess what? Now that he's on my team, all is forgiven. What a shot in the arm for this team. We will be 11 deep when Andy, Sasha and Boobie all return.

Is this a breach of contract for K2?

I hope Browns' management doesn't see this.

This crow tastes great!

Seeing as how I'm pretty cynical and I have been conditioned to always expect the worst, I am fully prepared to man up and say there is no freaking way I expected our Brownies to go 10-6. I remember before the season began that I was dumbfounded by our coaching hires. It looked like we recruited a bunch of castoffs and unprovens for 3 of our most critical areas - 2 of them that were absolutely dreadful in 2006. So, to Rob Chudzinksi, Ted Daisher and Steve Marshall, my hat goes off to all 3 of you. For both Ted and Steve, I think everyone was well within their rights to question and criticize their hiring. Ted was the special teams coach for the Raiders in 2006, and they were in the bottom 3 overall in League Rankings. Steve came over after serving as the Offensive Line coach for the Texans, who were to offensive lines as Pittsburgh is to literacy. Anyways, all 3 of these coaches deserve all the credit in the world for transforming and maintaining excellent units throughout the 2007 season.

I'm kind of relieved the Browns chose to make a drastic measure and can Todd Grantham. I'm all for staying the course when things are rough but measurable gains are madee for the future, but the schemes and passivity that the Browns' D showed this season was mind-boggling. If everyone's hunch that our personnel sucked was correct, then being aggressive was definitely the best way to mask our deficiencies. Seeing 3rd and 4th and long converted on a regular basis was inexcusable. Here's to hoping Mel Tucker can step in and make this unit mediocre!

Andy Varejao, I will never doubt you or make fun of you again. I love you and your game. We needed you. I missed you like a yinzer misses his terrible towel when he runs out of toilet paper.

5 out of the 6 big name Buckeye Juniors have come back, including Little Animal! Hurray! The SEC better look out! We are going to get bigger and faster on the defensive and offensive lines because of this.

Redemption

That's how I wanted my team to come out last night! Inventive offensive formations, domination on the defensive line of scrimmage, running backs who grinded out tough yards, forcing our DBs into man coverage, mistake and penalty free football and a QB who stayed calm under pressure and made the right reads and the occasional key special teams play. Now if my team was the LSU Tigers, that's what I would be saying. Unfortunately, my team sucked. How did Tressel and staff manage to get thoroughly out-manuevered and field the less disciplined, both emotionally and mentally, team for the second straight year? That was ridiculous. Austin Spitter or Spitler or whatever your name is, how did you manage to miss that ball completely? That was taintrific, sucktastic and craptacular all rolled into one. Todd Boeckmann, Steve Bellisari called and would like to give you some pointers on decision-making and timing.

Let's see, in the span of one year, we've had the Tribe, Cavs, Browns and finally the Buckeyes (times 3) choke. Even when we do good, we still get kicked in the nuts as fans.

There's a football game or something tonight

This is too easy, so I will refrain from comment

I was in Phoenix last year in January, trying to score tickets to the big game. I almost paid 950.00 for two terrible seats. Best investment I never made, to say the least. My wife and I decided to watch the game from a bar in Scottsdale and proceeded to drink our sorrows away while being glad that I didn't give up a third of my mortgage payment to watch that craptacular game. I definitely don't feel the sense of excitement from Buckeye Nation that was definitely there last year and for good reason. I am glad we're the underdog. I think with no expectations, this team will be loose and motivated. I'm not guaranteeing anything, but I do think this team and this game will be much more competitive than any of the national pundits are predicting. Beanie Wells is a beast, and he alone will keep us in this game. My only other thoughts on this game is that Jacob Hester may be the missing link.



Hey team up North, why did you fire a coach who chokes in big games for a coach that chokes even harder in big games? Did they make up their mind before Pitt went in as a 28 point dog and handed the Mountaineers their grundles? Oh well, I take those comments back. Great Hire!



Even though we didn't make the playoffs (and we didn't deserve to after that Cincitucky game, even though Jim Sorgi couldn't start for the small school I played for and Tennessee really only had 9 1/2 wins), watching playoff football this week was pretty enjoyable. I was hoping DC would make it past Seattle just because I live down here and it would be nice to see them make it after all they've been through, but Todd Collins is Todd Collins, and it ultimately bit them in the butt. But the two most enjoyable games were definitely San Diego taking Tennessee out to the woodshed and revealing what a joke they are and what a pathetic excuse Vince Young is for an NFL QB. There was a clip when he came out of the draft comparing his throwing motion and Uncle Rico's from Napoleon Dynamite and they still look identical. But the piece-de-resistance of course was Jacksonville revealing the Inbred Valley Surrounded by 3 Rivers and Ben Toothlesshoofer as total jokes. Sure they made a nice comeback (aided by the worst pass interference call I have seen in ages), but in the end their retarded fans had to take their stupid towels and wipe away the tears and blood stains from the inveitable wife beatings that occured afterwards.

Enjoying Life

either we're doing good or there's a rump roast in front of the podium

I don't know about you, but these past 13 weeks have been awesome. Food tastes better. Work is more enjoyable. Getting up and facing the day is something I look forward to. Sleep is more refreshing. My 2 year old son isn't as fussy. DC traffic is more bearable. Ben Toothlessberger isn't as ugly. Pittsburgh doesn't suck as much (it still sucks, mind you). The last two are completely false, but I just can't bring myself to be angry about the inbred valley surrounded by 3 rivers.

Anyways, I haven't been posting lately for a wide variety of reasons, but mainly because I'm not angry. This blog was an outlet for my frustrations in being a Cleveland sports fan. What do I have to complain about? Absolutely nothing. 3 of the teams I root for have made it to the top of their respective sports. They haven't won, but I'll take being close over what we've been experiencing. If the Browns make the playoffs, one could argue that this is the greating sporting year ever for the city of Cleveland. I am so proud of these Browns and what they've accomplished, I'm not even that angry about losing twice to you know who (we can't get everything we want all at once, can we?).

I had a chance to go home and see a game in person for the first time in 7 years last month against the Seahawks (my buddy was doing the coin toss for Veteran's Day, a fair trade for losing your leg to an IED). What an awesome game to be at...that Stadium was as loud as the old one and people were in such a good mood. It made me miss home in the worst way. One of these days, I will be back in God's country and be better for it. Enjoy this, Browns fans. This team certainly doesn't look like they've been put together as a flash in the pan (a la the Saints) and betters days surely lie ahead.

The Browns are back! No they're not!

Romeo's view after the Cincinnati game

Sorry for the lack of posts recently, especially in light of the results of the past few weeks. All I can say is putting food on the table takes precedence, unfortunately. The roller coaster ride that is the Cleveland Browns has officially begun (I'm sure someone else has already used this analogy)! However, the drops on this ride are usually much steeper and last longer than any hills that it does get to the top of. First, we’ll detail the Bengals’ game briefly. This game was exactly like the Chiefs’ game of last year. No expectations were on the team, so what to do they do? Go out and play like gangbusters and take it to a superior team (supposedly). This only pertains to the offense, but holy smokes, that was awesome. Every single thing you expect from this team in terms of effort and execution came to fruition in one beautiful 60 minute display. Our playmakers made plays, our line blocked effectively in both the run and pass, our running back ran like it was 2003, and our coach showed some semblance of emotion. Our defense? Well, that’s another topic for another novel (a horror story, with multiple grisly killings and missed assignments in the secondary).

Anyways, games like this gives us fans a glimmer of hope and we start thinking, maybe, just maybe, this team is starting to turn the corner and put it together. And then the first car in the roller coaster clears the top of the hill, and you know what happens after that. Another kick in the nuts. Seriously, that is exactly what the Raiders game and every other game following a victory has been since 2003. The effort they put forward last Sunday was a kick in the collective groins of everyone that roots for the Brown and Orange. Maybe not giving a crap or overconfidence or whatever you want to call that display of effort is part of the growing process (which I've heard suggested). But if it is, the Browns should be about 50 feet tall with 60 inch pipes from all the “growing” that’s been going on since I can remember. I say this based on only the hearsay and 2nd hand accounts I’ve read and here’s why: I didn’t watch the game this weekend. Before you get on my case, I have a very good reason. I was in Chicago visiting family and actually trying to enjoy my Sunday in the Windy City. I was planning on watching the game when I got home and had it DVR’d and ready to go for when I got back to DC. I refused to even watch the Sunday night Bears game (Rex Grossman has to be Chuck Frye’s brother from another mother) until they had put tape over the scoreboard ticker on the late afternoon games before I sat down in front of the TV. Just as I had sat down, though, CBS cut into a game breaking moment and it was none other than our Browns getting ready to kick the game winning field goal over the Raiders. “Turn it!!!” I shrieked to my brother-in-law and he obliged. But, after thinking for a split second, I said, “to hell with it, turn it back.” I then saw a field goal attempt that had all the effort and intensity of Rosie O’Donnell resisting a second trip to the buffet line or Ben Roethlisberger not trying to look ugly. Seriously, the blocking looked like a no-contact run-through for a high school team the night before the big game. And then I saw some d0u#he with a single bar facemask in a Brown's uniform give a pathetic attempt at scooping it up and running (I know who he is). Piss poor. And you know what? I am so glad I did. Just by seeing that one play, I saved myself wasting 4 hours of my life when I got back home to see that horrible ending. I don’t know what it is, but how is it that we are usually the only team on the field that takes at least a quarter to “get it” and get competitive? Is this coaching? Is this the players? I don’t know but somebody needs to figure this out and fast.

I know I promised myself I wouldn’t go into any more games after that first one with any expectations. After that Cincy game, I couldn’t help but to have just a small amount of hope and excitement like everyone else, but once again, that is officially out the door. On a side note, Chicago is fast becoming my second favorite city. I had one of the best Saturday afternoons I can remember sporting-wise. I started the day off at an Ohio State Bakery and followed that up with a trip to an Ohio State Bar for brunch and to hang out with some fellow Buckeyes before the game that afternoon. After downing a few adult beverages, including my first Old Style, I then went to my first Cubs game. Wow is all I can say about it. We had seats 3 rows behind the bullpen for the Cubs and the interaction that Wrigley Field provides to the players is awesome. You can seriously reach out and grab them. I love the Jake and have nothing but awesome memories of the 90’s and the sellouts that made those games awesome, but being in Wrigley during a Pennant race with a packed house was just breath-taking. You could just feel the collective will of everyone in that place take the Cubs’ play to another level. And to top it all off, they wailed on that Inbred Valley surrounded by 3 Rivers. Beautiful. After that, we made our way back to the Buckeye Bar and then watched with about 100 OSU fans the butt-whipping of a lifetime given to the unfortunate Northwestern Wildcats. It was also funny to see Appalachian State T-shirts everywhere and even on sale in the Big-Ten Store in the OSU section. At least one of the football teams I root for doesn’t suck out loud. Even my wife and brother and sister in-law , all yinzers, can sit through those games. Now before anyone starts calling me a turncoat or anything, I love Cleveland and I am certain if our city ever got its act together, we could transform our Lakefront and surrounding area into what Chicago has (hasn’t this been suggested for about 20 years now? Our city government continues to suck).

Congratulations to the Indians and the AL Central Pennant! I, like just about everyone else from our beloved city, devotes way too much time and attention to the loser that is masquerading as our Browns and way too little time to this team that has come together and has one of the best starting rotations in the majors and a 2 deep bullpen that is lights out (I’m leaving Joe Borowski out of the “lights out” description). Even sub-par years from Grady and Hafner didn’t prevent this team from coming together, getting timely hitting when it had to and winning. I am very proud of them and I wish them the best. I know I had said before that I was tired of watching this team because I know what’s going to happen, but a post-season disappointment is much better than a total disappointment (I’m talking to you, Romeo).

For this upcoming game against the Ravens, here's my original prediction :

September 30

BALTIMORE RAVENS

W, 35-3

Matt Stover holds off shutout, Brian Billick acts smug

I am definitely sticking to this one. Chalk up another big day for Derek Anderson and the Brownies!

I’m going to end this rambling post with one side note. I predicted the Browns would put up 56 vs Cincinnati. I should have bet that and given 5 points in Vegas. Darn it.

Goodbye, Charlie!

Just read this on si.com. Charlie never lived up to expectations here and even though I am all for sticking through a rough patch in hopes of positive returns, it didn't look like it was going to happen with him. Best of luck to you, but it needed to be done.

This is a joke, right?

I just found this article on the Cleveland Brown's site. Seriously, who approved an article like this?

IS BYRON LEFTWICH STILL AVAILABLE?

WE SUCK AGAIN!

Seriously, what the h&ll was that? In my heart of hearts, I didn't expect a win, but I did expect a competitive game where we came out and pretended like we cared. There were tons of things wrong with this game, but the thing that stood out the most in my mind and I think is the most troubling was the quarterback play. It seemed like Charlie had ample time on at least 3 of the sacks and just held on to the stupid ball too long. Maybe the synapses just don't fire quickly enough up there to be a starting quarterback in this league. Also, I know a lot of people are hanging Sean Jones out there to dry because he showed up Brodney Pool on that ridiculously easy 40 yd completion for a TD, but I am glad he did it. At least someone back there cares. There is no freakin way a slot receiver should be that wide open when you are running cover 2. It looked to me like Mr Pool had his sights set on blowing up somebody on a running play and forgot his most important responsibility. When you screw up that bad, someone should be pissed. Mr. Wright, soft coverage probably works on Mountain West receivers almost all the time, but against NFL receivers, if that's all you're comfortable with, well, nice knowing ya (I know it's his first game, but I'm annoyed at everyone this morning).

I blame myself for believing the hype that this would be an improved team and things are looking up for the future. I'm not saying we would have won, but with a competent QB in there, our receivers aren't turning around to try to catch passes and maybe we can keep a drive alive. Also, 4 penalties on one play? I have never seen that in all my years of playing or watching football. That is a testament to bringing in a special teams coach whose squad was near the bottom last year. Romeo, the rest is on you. Cook, clean, do something, anything!! There were 2 players who played like they gave a poop, Kellen Winslow and Antwan Peek. Thanks to you 2, and everyone else can get bent. It made me sick to my stomach seeing ugly Ben on the sidelines in the 4th quarter laughing it up like he just found out they finally legalized inner-family marriage in Allegheny County.

wait a second, getting sacked is a bad thing?

Finally, I guess it's a good thing this happened so quickly this year, so I have absolutely no more expectations for the rest of the year and save myself countless kicks of my son's toys across the family room. I wonder if the Browns will give me a refund for the 250.00 I waste every year to watch them 3 states away? I take that back, they should have given refunds first to everyone at the door. Seriously, I think every fan that made the effort to get down there put more effort into being there than the players did.

Addendum: Just read the Munilot and one of the posts jogged my memory on this one too: Lawrence Vickers, you are a grade A jackass. When Kellen Winslow is coming over to you and gesturing, "Okay, Okay, get moving..." that is probably a good cue to stop. Butthead.

Time to start caring again

coach...Starting coach.

Hi Everyone,

Well, the preseason has come and gone and I seriously tried to pay as little attention to it as possible. Sure, I watched the games on the NFL Network and got to hear a drunk Bernie Kosar make some really good points and and provide some spot-on analysis, but aside from that, I tried to stay away from it. I want to go into this season with no or low expectations so when the losing does start, I won't kick too many of my son's toys across the living room. I do think we'll be better, but that's like saying you're the tallest midget. Big deal. Seriously, how many of us will be ready to call the season a total loss after week 1 if we get our taints handed to us by the Stee___ (I can't bring myself to write it). Please just be competitive this week, Brownies. Is that too much to ask?

One more thing, Leigh Bodden, you are an idiot. I don't care who you're picking up. The response by the police may have been a little excessive, but you are still an idiot. I can't stand it when people at an airport think the rules don't apply to them.

Anyways, after the draft, I did a quick game by game analysis of this upcoming season with my predictios for each game. It's right here . As promised, I will review each of my predictions and also add any additional insight I can for every game. Some of the predictions won't come true, obviously, so I will address these and issue new ones.

Here was the prediction for the first game:



September 9 PITTSBURGH STEELERS

W, 42-0 - Quinn throws for 450 yds in debut



I am still sticking to my score prediction. However, I may have to change the side note on this one unless Charlie Frye goes down on the first drive.



So here's my new prediction:



As of kickoff at 1:05 pm on Sunday, September 9th, Pittsburgh will still suck.



Addendum:



Ben Roethlishoofer will still have a bulbous nose.



Stay tuned next week for some post-game analysis!



By the way, wasn't it a great to be an Ohio football fan last week? We more than held our own against the entire country in Kirk Hirbstreit's Ohio vs. USA High School Football Challenge, Ohio State won, Mount Union set a college record for most points scored in a quarter (as a former D3er, please believe me when I say every school prays that these guys don't end up on your non-conference schedule, I'd love to see them matched up against a 1-AA team some time).



But the piece-de-resistance of last weekend was seeing the team up north get some Deliverance treatment by a 1 - AA TEAM!!!!! It doesn't get any better than that. All I can say to the administration up there is this (and everyone who loves the Bucks repeat after me):



KEEP LLOYD CARR! KEEP LLOYD CARR!

The Plain Dealer is about to get a million times better

I'm in trouble

Just read this from the Akron Beacon Journal's website:

Akron Beacon Journal sports columnist Terry Pluto announced Tuesday that he is resigning from the newspaper after 22 years.
He has accepted a similar position with the Plain Dealer in Cleveland.

I guess this means that Bud, Paul and Tony will have to start trying now. I am glad this market isn't losing this guy. He's definitely my favorite read of any Cleveland sports columnist and seems like a genuine and decent guy to boot. Congrats on the move up, Terry. I hope the pessimism of the aforementioned doesn't rub off on you.

Jaguars are in for a big suprise

Let me tell you about the time I almost caught the ball in traffic!

Just for old time's sake, I did a quick search on google news and found this. Glowing review after glowing review of one Dennis Northcutt. Apparently, he's been named the number one receiver during this year's training camp and has been catching everything in site. While he did have his moments here and there as a Brown, I'm certain it's only a matter of time before he's alligator clapping all of the balls that are thrown his way. Be verrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrry careful, Jacksonville, about putting too much hope in this guy.

What, Vinny Del Negro wasn't available?

Allan makes his annual visit to Pittsburgh

Danny Ferry has had all offseason to make improvements to our up-and-coming, yet flawed roster, and as of right now, the only news that's headline worthy is this?



From Brian Windhorst:

Team sources said the Cavs have interest in former New York Knicks star Allan Houston, who is planning a comeback two years after being forced to retire because of knee problems. Houston, 36, was one of the best shooting guards in the game in his prime. He told ESPN.com last week that his knee is feeling better and he hopes to play this season.

Mr. Houston personifies the term "one-dimensional". I guess this is a good thing?!

VALIDATION

I've got something in my pocket for youuuu....

The Hornless Rhino from the blog Vinny and the Hornless Rhino has this excellent take on why I gave my blog this name. It's a beautiful thing when wild speculation and blind loathing lead to validation.

Exlusive Company

Just saw a report on ESPNews about the last two quarterbacks that were drafted 22nd besides Quinn. This guy and this guy . Here's to hoping past performance is not indicative of future results.

Hooray! Brady will save the day!

Brady, you no hold out




Here's the latest from the PD: Brady Quinn has signed a contract with the Browns and will be heading to camp soon. Just what we need, another quarterback to throw erratic passes to our receivers!

Bandwagon Fans

I haven't had too much to post about lately. I know training camp is in full swing and there are all kinds of stories coming out of Berea, but what can I add to the reports that people that are actually there are giving you? That is the worst part about being out of state...I only have to go off of what other people tell me. I promise you once I actually get to use my NFL DirectTicket package, I'll have something useful to add to the Browns' blogging world.

I did get to see the HOF induction ceremonies, and this one seemed to be one of the more emotional affairs I have seen in a long time. I actually felt something other than hatred for Michael Irvin watching him give his acceptance speech. You could tell he knew he messed up and was now paying the price that his short-sightedness and addictions cost him. Seriously, what is he going to tell his sons when they are older and want to get into trouble? Don't do it? Why? Because you'll end up in the most revered sports hall of fame like me? Ouch. By far the most bittersweet moment of this year's induction ceremony Was seeing Bobby Mitchell, LeRoy Kelly and Jim Brown roll out the newest Brown to get in, Gene Hickerson. Reading his story and how he was so long overdue and the onset of dementia was heart breaking. Here's to hoping you were able to to at least enjoy this moment in your mind, Gene. This was also another reminder of what used to be and it makes our present situation with this team all the more frustrating. It's hard to believe that with atrocious play of these new Browns that we actually have 16 players in the Hall of Fame...and I was alive for only one of their careers.

As far as the Browns training camp goes, my biggest concern by far is the QBs. I definitely believe it when I read and see that neither one of these guys has done anything to stand out. Just for continuity's sake and to get some finality on whether or not he has what it takes to be a starter in this league, I want Chuck in there as the starter on September 9th. From what we've seen so far, it looks like that's going to happen. I am totally indifferent on the Quinn issue and here's why: the longer this goes on, the less likely he is to see the field this year. That is the best possible scenario for everyone involved. I think the Browns know and Tom Condon knows it.

If the Ryan Tucker debacle ends up being the worst thing that happens at training camp, consider me a happy man.

Here's my new favorite Steeler (replacing Kordell Stewart).

My grandfather in law just about had an aneuryism this weekend when the in-laws came to visit. He's a great guy and I love him, but he's a Steeler fan in every sense of the word. I thought it would be funny to cover his bed entirely with my Browns' blanket when he came up to go to bed, but we needed tranquilizers to calm him down after he saw that beautiful brown and orange festooning the place he was supposed to lay his head.

Apparently, people from Pittsburgh don't like it when you tell them, "Oh, I'm so sorry! That must have been just awful." When you meet them for the first time and they proudly tell you where they're from.

There's been a topic on my mind that has been bothering me for quite some time. There are a good number of Steelers fans down here in DC, but a ton of them aren't even from that little slice of hell on earth. Most of these "fans" grew up during the 70's and due to geographic restrictions or just plain idiocy, decided to jump on the bandwagon of whatever team was winning at the time of their formative years. I've ran into more than a few of these guys and the conversation usually goes like this...

Me: Yeah, I'm not too thrilled about how the Browns are looking this year, we are probably going to suck again. As long as we beat Pittsburgh, though, I'll be happy.

Idiot: Really? I'm a Steeler's fan!

Me: No kidding? I'm sorry to hear that. Are you from Pittsburgh?

Idiot: No.

Me: Do you have family from Pittsburgh?

Idiot: No...

Me: Do you have in any way, shape or form, any connection to that horrible place besides the fact that you liked a good, yet roided-up, football team when you were a little idiot and have been on their bandwagon ever since?

Idiot: Uhhh, No...

Me: I hate you.

Seriously, I don't know whether to punch these guys in the face when I meet them, or just pretend like I didn't hear the stupidity that just came out of their mouth. These guys drive me even more crazy than regular yinzers because they voluntarily became yinzers by association and then act like they did something braver than just rooting for whatever team was winning when they started to get hair in their bathing suit areas. That is one thing I can appreciate and love about Browns' fans, you don't choose to become one and there are definitely no fair weather ones.

The Fruitiest Cars Ever Made

Since absolutely nothing is going on in the world of sports right now (except baseball), I figured I would do another list that's been running through my head for quite some time: Fruity cars. There's a ton of them out there and every time I see one I think to myself, "What exactly is the thought process that leads to someone purchasing this car?" I dont want to hear the argument that finances has anything to do with it. For every Dodge Neon, there's a perfectly fine Toyota Corolla or Honda Civic that you can purchase in its place. I honestly don't know what the reasoning is, but in any case, it provides me a brief amount of enjoyment to see a dude cruising through his neighborhood in any one of the ones I'm going to mention below. Here it goes:


9. Scion xB - Still not quite sure what Toyota's designers were thinking with this one...it's basically a box with wheels. A fruity box with wheels. I know you can customize it Gand add all kinds of neat trinkets, graphics and gadgets, but at the end of the day, it's still a box with wheels plus trinkets, graphics and gadgets. Special mention goes to Honda for their Element, that is basically a box with wheels designed to go camping as well.





8. Audi TT - This thing looks like an ovary with wheels.

7. Geo (Chevy) Tracker - I want to go off-roading. I want to hit the dirt trails blazing with a 4WD that doesn't take crap from the road. I want a tough vehicle that tells the road "Who's you're daddy?" I also want to take the top down and feel the cool breeze blowing in my face and all around me as I conquer the unpaved wilderness foot by foot. What am I going to choose? Definitely not a Geo Tracker. If it was possible for a car to talk, this one would scream "estrogen".








6. Hyundai Tiburon - the designers at Hyundai were thinking that making a car look like a bananna with wheels would attract the heavily coveted driving monkey segment of the population. I put this one on my list because a friend of mine drives this one and we agreed it should be on here.
















5. Chrysler PT Cruiser - originally when this came out, everyone thought this was a throwback car to the 40's and was a fun and silly little vehicle. I even remember my dad saying that he liked the design because it reminded him of cars from his childhood. Not anymore. This car has so many effeminate connotations that should only make it in purple and sell it in Lakewood, Pittsburgh, and San Francisco. It looks like a fruity thation wagon with curveth. A special kick in the crotch goes out to Chevy for making the copycat in the HHR even after knowing that its design was on a destination to fruitcake city.









4. Mazda Miata - I've heard the argument time and time again that it's a fun little driving machine that handles like a dream and is fun for both men and women and blah blah blah. This thing is girly as girly gets. The Miata is like a go-cart that has been injected with mommy parts.















3. Dodge Neon - If that isn't the girliest name for a car outside of "Plymouth Breeze", I don't know what is. I know a lot of kids like to soup this car up so it looks a little less girly, but it's like putting lipstick on a pig. At the end of the day, your call is still called a "Dodge Neon".















2. Hummer H2 - Let me ask you this? How many total bada$$es do you actually see driving a car like this? None? One? That's about right. This car is usually driven by soccer moms or guys who have something to prove (you know what the say about guys with big cars). I think the average height of H2 drivers is around 4'8".

















and the number one girliest car is......................



1. Volkswagen Beetle - This was way too easy. Not a single straight line on the entire body of this car. This car is one big bundle of curves. The most stylish accessory for this ride is a flower in the cup holder. Let me repeat that: The most stylish accessory for this ride is a flower in the cup holder. There is no reason for a male to ever be driving this car at any time. Ever.



There it is folks. If I forgot any, please let me know. And if you drive any of these, I'm sorry. But not really.

I'm back from vacation

Trying hard now...Gonna Fly now...

Hi All,

Sorry again for the lack of postings, but I've been on vacation for a few weeks and sick or travelling for the others. I promise I will try to do this on a more regular basis. Here are some random thoughts over the last few weeks:

1. Will the All Star Game ever be as exciting as it once was? Maybe it's always been this boring, but I distinctly remember when it was at the Jake being as excited as I can remember for any sporting event (especially when Sandy Alomar hit that bomb). It just seems like no one cares anymore. I think the only memorable thing I can think of besides Ichiro's and Victor's HRs was when Paula Cole (?!) came out to sing God Bless America and couldn't get her keyboard started and it sounded like there was some booing going on. Since it was San Fran, they were probably booing the song choice or the smug lifting.

2. All the reports I've been hearing are saying the Derek Anderson has the clear leg up on the other 2 in camp for the starting QB spot. I don't know what to make of this. All offseason I've been reading that Chud's gameplan is to have a lot of rollouts and bootlegs and that would seem to fit perfectly into Chucky Frye's wheelhouse. I know this is all speculation and we'll see for sure once the pads are on, but I felt like it was my duty to weigh in on this pointless topic.

3. I also saw that LeChuck is trying to make a comeback for this year. How can every single report before this announcement be so way off-base? I'm actually impressed that Bentley managed to fool anyone and everyone by laying so low and not having one source leak out his intentions until he was ready to do so. Comebacks like this aren't supposed to happen in Cleveland, so although I wish him the best, I'll believe it when I see it.

4. I don't get why the Tribe is still having problems drawing huge crowds to their games. They have dominant pitching, an excellent lineup with 4 stars (Grady, Victor, Hafner, and Ja-honny) and are true contenders for the AL Central crown. I know I said before that they are probably just going to let us down again, but that didn't stop me from trying to get out to see them every opportunity I had anyways. Besides, what else is there to do right now, go to the Flats?

5. I had the bright idea of taking my 20 month old son to Disneyland. Big mistake. I don't know if I was spoiled to death by summer after summer of Cedar Point, but every other amusement park just disappoints me. All I really wanted was for my kid to see Mickey Mouse and they make you wait 40 minutes in a stupid line and when we finally got to see him for 10 seconds, it was the Old-School Steamboat Willie Version, not the new one my son sees on their cable extension of their evil conglomerate. I wanted to kick Mickey right in the crotchal region but my better judgement told me not to. What did my son do when he saw this version of Mickey? Try to take his nose off. I couldn't of been prouder of him. Anyways, he caught a virus while we were there and had to go to the Doctor's the rest of the time we were on vacation. He was screaming his head off in 94 degree heat and direct sunlight while on loudspeakers everywhere a song was blaring that had the lyrics "This is the happiest place I've ever been" - I kid you not.

6. Is there a more beautiful place in the continental US than San Diego? Every time I go there to visit family I don't want to come back. Beautiful beaches on one side, beautiful mountains on the other, and a climate that varies between 65 and 90 year round. Drink it in, because it definitely goes down smooth. Seriously, anyone who complains about living there deserves to be punched.

7. My college friends and I had our yearly weekend get-together this past Saturday at a cabin in Berkely Springs, WV. Three things about this:

A) You know you're getting old when you and everyone else is in bed by 11:3o.

B) You couldn't pay me enough money to live in Berkely Springs. We walked into a restaurant and everyone in the place was not talking or eating, just looking at us. I dont' look down on people living in small towns, but man, was that place depressing. It just boggles my mind that someone would want to and enjoys living there.

C) When your stomach is used to eating turkey burgers and 97/3 burgers, 70/30 burgers, while initially tasting good, lead to many, many potty breaks.