Monday, April 30, 2007

Draft Recap and predictions for the upcoming season

Now that this year’s draft is over, here’s a brief overview of our draft picks and some very early pre-season predictions on what to expect next year. Like every other Browns’ fan, I was giddy like a school girl Saturday night and am glad we addressed areas of need the second day. I can’t remember the last time I was this excited to be a Browns’ fan. The moves made by that team yesterday could not have been the Browns. Draft days like that aren’t supposed to happen to us. We got pretty much everything we wanted and then some. On the flip side, could this just be a way of fate setting us up for an even bigger kick in the groin in the upcoming years? Only time will tell, but for now, I’m happy.

Round 1

Joe Thomas – I wanted to take Peterson, but I can’t really argue or second-guess this pick. This guy seems like everything you would want in an cornerstone left tackle. He’s agile, a great technician and aggressive. The Browns did a great job of smoke screening this pick.

Welcome to Cleveland!

Brady Quinn – This was the defining move of the entire 2007 draft. Everyone who is on Quinn’s bandwagon points to a stat out there that shows that college QBs with more than 40 career starts have an extremely high success rate in the NFL (Peyton Manning, Carson Palmer and others) vs QBs with only one or two years of starting experience. The Browns addressed two huge areas of need with possibly the two best players at their respective positions.

Round 2

Eric Wright – We traded a lot of picks to get this guy, so he better pan out. Everyone is saying he has 1st round talent, but those character issues are still there. If he does pan out, Phil just got 3 starters with 3 picks. I don’t know if I buy the whole “I went to Vegas to prove I could stay out of trouble for 2 years” line he is throwing out. I think it should be more along the lines of “when you have a date rape charge on your rap sheet, only a Mountain West Team will look at you”.

Long pause…

Round 5

Brandon McDonald – This CB out of Memphis is described as a versatile player who can return punts and play all of the defensive backfield positions. The NFL Network’s downside on him is that he doesn’t tackle well in the open field…just what we needed!

Round 6

Melila Purcell – This DE out of Hawaii is a project in the truest sense of the word. He has a high motor, great wingspan and tremendous upside. Did I miss any other idiotic draft day adjectives?

Round 7

Syndric Steptoe – This WR out of Arizona will poop his pants if he makes the team. He can return kicks, though.

Pre-Season predictions

Now, as is common with all Browns fans, we have sky-high projections and expectations as to what will happen in the coming season based on what we’ve accomplished in the off-season. I’m here to tell you to CALM DOWN. We still have a ways to go and none of these moves guarantee instant success. Let’s be real with our expectations and we must still have patience. With that being said, here are some preliminary predictions and a break-down of our schedule with what I feel will be the final scores for each of these games.

September 9
W, 42-0
Quinn throws for 450 yds in debut

September 16
W, 56-7
Only Bengals TD is a fumble return

September 23
at Oakland Raiders
Quinn: 420yds, Russell: -8yds

September 30
W, 35-3
Matt Stover holds off shutout, Brian Billick acts smug

October 7
at New England Patriots
W, 28-7
Belichick finally apologizes to Cleveland for sucking

October 14
W, 73-6
Cleo Lemon throws 5 INTs

W, 24-0

October 28
at St. Louis Rams
W, 45-0
Jim Everett throws 2 INTs

November 4
W, 35-9
Quinn throws 8 TDs

November 11
at Pittsburgh Steelers
W, 77-14
Hines Ward plays up his Korean roots even more by eating KimChee after a TD

November 18
at Baltimore Ravens
W, 56-8
Jamal Lewis rushes for 312 yds

November 25
W, 35-14
Dave Zastudil punts for first time this season

December 2
at Arizona Cardinals
L, 21-22
Defense is left at home by accident

December 9
at New York Jets
W, 54-12
Eric Mangini eats Phil Dawson

December 16
W, 49-16
What’s funny about Buffalo? Nothing.

December 23
at Cincinnati Bengals
W, 56-7
Chris Henry drinks a fifth for their season

December 30
W, 42-10
Brady feels a little too comfortable out on the town

I think the scores above are perfectly reasonable to expect in light of the happenings of this past weekend. I know we won’t win them all, but I think the above results are pretty realistic. I may even keep track of my scores and predictions during the season so I can rub it in your face when I turn out to be right. All of you pie-in-the-sky Brown’s fans need to come back down to earth and realize we won’t win them all.

Here are some other predictions for this season:

SUPERBOWL XLII result: Browns over Carolina, 37-21

When Joe Thomas’ and Brady Quinn’s sweat mix on a towel, the cure for AIDS is accidentally discovered. Phil Savage wins the Nobel Prize for bringing them together. Savage states that this day is the day that “turned the world around”.

Charlie’s Fryes change their names to Brady’s Quinns and come to games dressed like this:

The Super Bowl win will start a run of 5 more consecutive Superbowl trips and wins, giving Cleveland one for the thumb and another to shove right up Pittsburgh’s pooper.

Charlie Frye loses his life-long battle with the English language.

Kellen Winslow, Joe Jurevicius and Braylon Edwards become the first trio of teammates in NFL history to each catch 100 passes.

Pittsburgh Steelers finally realize that their logo of a ketchup bottle is about as retarded as you can get and change it to a tampon.

Romeo Crennel goes shirtless for the Seahawks game.

Please let me know if you have any predictions of your own in the comments section.


Lake Erie Hope said...

Why should anyone bother to add any predictions?

Eric Mangini eats Phil Dawson

nothing can beat this one....

I'm STILL laughing!

Hornless Rhino said...

You left out the part where Brady Quinn travels through time to the year 3010, and fights the evil robot king and saves the human race again.

Monty said...

Kellen Winslow tricks Roethlisberger into a "Who Can Wipe Out Worse?" competition and admits defeats after Ben goes.

Terry said...

Romeo Crennel finishes the season as the starting defensive lineman in place of Ted Washington, averages 20 sacks per game, and receives Superbowl MVP.